Did you hear? Did you hear? It's been a year and the vagina terrorist gothickana has not yet been caught!
In fact, her terrorist organization, nicknamed The Snatch by government officials, has been growing covertly since our last report!
My god, when will the madness end? Someone needs to end this pussy regime before it's too late! exochika and eriko_sato have likely already converted to the cause, it's up to us and our power of will to keep other such powerful pussies as acidpopstar, ashitanokimi and ayakamiki are not turned!
And what of risateii and sakitan? WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
Even worse, it is believed that ai_kago was suspended from Hello!Project for acts of vagina terrorism! Thank goodness she was discovered before a whole army of sweet, virginal girls were turned into monsters!
The Snatch had fingers in Hello!Project? This time they've gone too far! What could they possibly hope to achieve?
The only thing vaginas can achieve in JRRP, B-Ko. They're going to make the gay men in JRRP very... very... uncomfortable. Possibly by looking at them for long periods of time.
...Wait, that's all?
What did you expect? It's not like they can ever be taken seriously. No one in JRRP takes The Snatch seriously. They're not even a threat.
Then why are we reporting?
Because my only other article of news was some boring old man drama at the Sakura Matsuri party, and dissonantstring leaving, probably to enter rehab.
Rehab? I didn't realize pretentiousness was an addiction.
No wonder my heart is dead.
Are we funny yet?
Have a nice day, everyone. This is the Shadow Girls signing out, begging you, pleading you, to do something interesting for once. Stop settling down and being happy, you're boring us all to tears.